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Are You Jealous or is He an Asshole?

Posted on October 18, 2022

We’ve all found ourselves in a situation where we let jealousy get the best of us. It’s a natural feeling that constantly reminds you of how you feel towards your man. But what if the source of your jealous feelings is also heartbreaking 💔 ? What if he cheated or doesn’t respect you anymore? How do you heal from that and move on to other prospects without the constant fear that we’re not deserving of love?

This happens to all of us, and I’m here to help you get through those unwanted thoughts.

How we respond to “inner” voices (who I call Joan of Arc) impacts how events unfold for us in the real world. Learning how to respond to automatic negative thoughts (🐜ANTs) has the power to alter the course of events with any man.

How did jealousy hurt my relationship with men?

Slobber must’ve dripped on the floor as I watched the man I was dating get on top of the bar speaker and proceed to grind and dry hump a drunk woman in a denim mini skirt right in front of me.
“Wow, so that’s how its going to be,” was my only thought. This wasn’t the first time that he’d danced with or ground with another woman in front of me.
He obviously didn’t think that there was anything wrong with his behavior, so then I thought, “Am I the crazy one? If I react, am I overreacting?” His nonchalance made me believe that I had to play the “cool girl,” when in fact, it was not cool at all.
I wish I’d had the self-respect to nip that one in the bud long before it developed. With his other faults considered, this man was toxic and should’ve been tossed (Keep Him or Toss Him).
But what about those other times, the gray area times, when things could be innocuous, and the only real meaning these events have are the meaning we give them, the negative thoughts we give them?

Here are some relatively neutral examples that could cause you to feel jealous, angry, resentful, and afraid – depending on the story you make up in your head and the items in your 🔭kaleidoscope (How To Make Men Chase You).

He wants to go on a guys’ trip
He runs into a female friend at a coffee shop
He notices a busty woman who walks into the restaurant.

How jealousy affects your relationships.

When something important to us, such as our love relationships or job positions, is in danger of being taken away from us, we may feel jealous.

If you’re not consciously aware of what’s happening, jealousy can strike suddenly and threaten to ruin otherwise happy and healthy relationships.

However, emotion is a part of human nature and might encourage us to focus on the cause of the feelings we are having.
Some could counter that jealousy in partnerships isn’t necessarily “bad” and can even be helpful. However, there is a thin line between jealousy acting as a constructive motivator and jealousy acting as a negative force.

How then can you use jealousy as a constructive motivator? It’s simple! Here are a few rules you need to keep in mind:

1. Try and explore the 🎋root of your jealousy

Try to pinpoint the source of your jealousy and be upfront with your partner about their perspective.

You can also think about getting the advice of a reliable friend. You might be astonished at how much a new perspective might improve your 👓 vision.

2. Be in the present

When jealousy is present, you may want to talk about how your relationship actually is versus how you think it ought to be.
Practices of appreciation and mindfulness may also be helpful for overcoming jealousy. Whether your relationship is ideal or not, being grateful for it can help you see all the positive aspects.
3. Seek professional help
Couples therapy could also be effective.

It can be challenging to find a place where we feel free to express our actual emotions, particularly when the subject is as delicate as jealousy.
Your conversations with your partner might be guided by a therapist to assist you in uncovering the true sources of jealousy. They may also help you in trying to reframe negative actions or unpleasant ideas.
4. Avoid the blame game
Nothing 🔫 kills romance and love more quickly than placing blame.
Blaming yourself almost kills a man’s attraction to you because it makes him question what he sees in you.

And if accusing a man of something is your “go-to” mentality, you’re very certain to attract ☢️ toxic men who are into the “blame” stuff (and will be only too happy to treat you poorly in return). Any nice, respectable, and honest man will flee from a woman who constantly does this.
Yes, these feelings are normal, and sometimes, you’re not being delusional. It’s your body’s way of keeping you on your toes, and sometimes, you’re right! Here are a few red flags you should keep in mind:
I use the term “actually” here to highlight the distinction between what a man is actually doing and what he is capable of doing, considering doing, or fantasizing about.

What next?

Understanding why 😒 jealousy exists, whether you see it in yourself or in your partner, is essential for the relationship to endure.

Try to be aware of the effects jealousy has on your relationship and investigate its cause without passing judgment.
You can get over jealousy with open communication and the capacity to express appreciation for your partner and your relationship. However, it could take some time, and that’s worth getting a life well lived with the love of your life!
I regularly and consistently share methods, ideas, and advice in my newsletter on how to overcome jealousy, so you never turn away a good man again.
By subscribing, you can have me in your inbox as a free virtual accountability buddy.
You’ll also discover:
The next time you experience feelings of insecurity, instability, anger, and jealousy, be sure to let me know how the newsletter worked for you!
You’re never alone; you’ve got me.

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